FMLs

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML
omg.. that's sooo gross..

Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

Today, I did my laundry in my dorm. After dragging 2 hampers down 4 flights of stairs, my ID card with money on it was rejected. After dragging it back upstairs, I scrounged up enough quarters from friends. 30 minutes after finally starting my laundry, I realized I forgot to add detergent. FML.

Today, my daughther said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML

Today, I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at my school but my hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and my school had to call the fire department. Now everyone calls me tampon girl. FML

Today, I was on my way home when I saw a cop hiding behind a Budget truck. I immediately slowed down and prayed that he wouldn't give me a ticket. Then I realized I was walking. FML

hahahhahah this totally happened to me once... but it was a stop sign instead...

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML