Jay Leno and Paris Hilton

This is an oldie, but still cracks me up from time to time. It's ok Paris, I'm prettyyy sure i'd be diagnosed for ADD if i got tested.. and i also get called mystery meat sometimes.. =(

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Cops bust stool fool.

Kile Wygle got a DUI after crashing his homemade barstool cart and calling 911.

Kile crashed his bar stool near his Newark home earlier this month and called 911 due to his injuries. When an officer arrived and asked Wygle what happened, he answered, "I wrecked my bar stool." According to a Newark Police Division report, a copy of which you'll find here, Wygle's homemade ride is powered by a Briggs & Stratton lawnmower engine. Wygle noted that the bar stool could hit nearly 40 miles per hour, but that he was only going 20 when he wiped out late in the afternoon on March 4 (a witness told police that he spotted someone driving a "strange motorized machine" before the crash). A plastered Wygle, who failed a series of field sobriety tests, was charged with DUI and driving with a suspended license, both misdemeanors. His bar stool was not impounded.

What the what?? Kile, be a man, do the right thing.. don't call 911 after you've been driving your barstool all plastered. Just dust yourself off, suck it up and motor on home. Jeez, I survived a fall from the back of a lawn maintenance truck at 15 mph when i was 10 and you don't see me calling 911 (this seriously happened, no joke.. and don't ask why i thought it was a good idea to jump on the truck at the time).

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